Infertility, what’s that?


           “You can’t have children on your own,” has got to be one of the scariest and saddest things anyone has ever said to my wife Stacy.  I could only expect to see the same reaction from her  if someone had informed her that hot dogs had been outlawed and that there would no longer be any fat faced bulldogs in the world.  She is tough woman but she later explained to me that it was one of those times in life where she had been in a situation that she had no control over whatsoever and that scared her to death.  As human beings, well that might not be correct, as Americans we seem to expect everything to work out correctly and for everyone to be happy.  It’s the part of our culture that a lot of the people who I have met who are from other parts of the world always comment on. Damn those happy Americans, expecting that everyone has the right to be happy. The truth is that we are a a bit spoiled, but that’s for another blog post on another day.  The main point I’m trying to make here is that no matter what life throws at us there is always hope. Hope and amazing doctors. It also helps that we are both hard headed and determined as hell.

           Our journey started back in mid 2012 when we decided that a combining our genetic strands would be a good idea and would impact the world in a positive way as opposed to the earth ending catastrophes that were once mentioned by some old friends of mine.  So in this time and place in a young married couples life the woman discontinues the usage of any sort of birth control and one week a month is made extra special.   All nature seems at work … The bees are stirring—birds are on the wing,  and every month for a year you hope and wait that signs indicating little birds or bees will be on their way, but in our case there was only silence. Then later that silence is joined by worry that there would never be a combination of the two for us to love.

           This is when you start to question yourself, and when I first saw my strong and extremely supportive wife really seriously worry about something.  Now Stacy is a worrier at heart, but being hardheaded and stoic as I am, there are things that she get more wrapped up in than  I ever will. It’s just how we work.  But this was something that was starting to take a toll on how she went about her day to day activities as I could tell that this was clouding all of her other thoughts.  Stacy was used to being in control of her life and I am normally pretty good at stepping in and handling any damage control that needs handling.  But this was one of the times that there wasn’t a quick fix or even an answer that I could come up with. Here is a little bit of advice for anyone who may be reading this and dealing with this type of situation currently: you need to stop worrying about anything you’ve got going on and make sure that you focus all of your energy on your partner, because no matter what may be bothering you right now, the person you love the most in this world is dealing with an all out psychological war because her body will not do what she has more than likely been dreaming of her whole life.  I’ll say it again, the shit you’ve got going on is now unimportant.  Is that clear?  I wish someone had told me this before, because I realized that I was a selfish idiot at times and I didn’t give her the full support she needed. I gave her about 85% when she should have been receiving 120% of what I have. Don’t make those mistakes.  Thankfully Stacy is tough and could take care of the 15% where I was lacking.  She may even debate me on this percentage, but she’s not the one writing the blog. Ha!

           Damage control was in full force.  We viewed the current problem as only a minor setback and decided that we would do whatever was needed.  Stacy went and talk to her OBGYN and at first they put her on a few different medicines, none of which did anything other than make her moody and worry more.  Then we were referred to Dr. Allemand at the ART Fertility who operates his business between Huntsville and Birmingham.  This is where the story changes.  This is where the peace comes into play and although it never leaves, the worry was relieved.  Dr. Allemand can only be described as a 6’8″ teddy bear, with a perfect goatee, who brings a sense of calm that can only be compared to what you feel while enjoying a margarita on a white sandy beach while watching pot bellied tourists attempt to pick up local girls.  Seriously, that is extremely calming to me.  Standing behind Dr. A is his team of amazing nurses who made us feel like we were visiting an old friend from the very first day we stepped into their office.  My favorite was the little red headed, Elvis loving, angel Nancy who always made me laugh and could make even the days where I had to go in a private room to “handle my business” comfortable.  Nancy was our main caretaker and always greeted us with a sweet smile and a gentle conversation every time we walked in the door.  She would hold our hand throughout the whole process of fertility treatments and would be the one to handle all of our medical work.  I guess you could say we got pretty close, I mean Stacy had too I guess when about 75% of the time that we saw Nancy, she was looking underneath the hospital gown that Stacy was sporting.  I just sat in the corner holding Stacy’s hand feeling bad about jokes I had previously cracked in the past as I now knew the full weight of what women had to go through at the OBGYN.

           Thankfully for us, and I mean this in the most positive way, our time with Nancy in a dim lit room was short lived as Stacy was pregnant after the second intrauterine insemination, or IUI for those of you new to the infertility game.  Nancy would perform the first of our ultrasounds and share some amazing moments such as hearing the baby’s heartbeat for the first time with us.  I keep an eye out for Elvis memorabilia at all of the estate sales and auctions I go to, hoping that one day I’ll be able to find something extra special that surprise and thanks Nancy with one day.  I know it may seem silly, and lord knows that the office got a good bit of money from our insurance company, but I still want to thank her with a small token.  It’s just the Southern thing to do.

           So here we are now, two people about to be increased by one.  One bitter bearded runner whose trying to get this being a better person thing down before the baby comes, a sweet and worrisome woman who is glowing like the sun and reading like a madwoman in preparation, and a snoring bulldog who will not leave her mothers side because something is definitely going on.

6 thoughts on “Infertility, what’s that?

  1. Matt it is such a privilege to be able to hear your thoughts & your expressive writing is so good, I feel like I’m sitting in the same room with you hearing you share your thoughts. Keep it up, I love it & can’t wait to see you & meet Stacy real soon.

  2. Its so nice to know that we aren’t the only ones that are dealing with infertility. We’ve been going through various stages of dr. appts, getting hopes up, and then being let down for almost 3 yrs now. Infertility isn’t something that is widely shared, so its easy to become embarrassed and ashamed by it. I completely understand how Stacy felt.

    • It is, especially since we live in the South! As soon as the first syllable of the word comes out of your mouth it feels as if you’ve been marked with a red “I” and have some sort negative stigma placed on you. It is a super hard thing to go through and I am sorry that you guys have to deal with it as well but it will get better.. I miss you guys something fierce and would love to have dinner and catch up and swap stories. I haven’t eyeballed your husband in a long time and my soul yearns for him!

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